How do you know if you are ready for a serious, committed relationship?

It is a good question, and it actually made me think about it for a short while. Before I begin writing the answer, I would like to share a personal story.

Photo by Tamilles Esposito

I got married at the age of 20. And to be truthful, I never knew if there ever were any signs to look at to see if you were ready for as serious a relationship as marriage.

Now, a committed and serious relationship is a huge aspect of anyone’s life. Only a few safe, secure people know that they are ready to enter into one. But who is a safe and secure person?

• someone with whom you can talk about your feelings without fearing their reaction;
• someone who offers you the space to be who you are;
• the one who gently tells you the areas you can improve;
• who does not behave in a volatile manner in unfavourable situations;
• who responds with his head and heart aligned and not emotionally explode;
• someone who can have disagreements without yelling, shouting, and being verbally abusive;
• someone who is not physically abusive;
• who respects your boundaries and honours their own;
• the one who introspects and has worked on their obvious patterns and flaws;
• the one who can manage their emotions without putting the load of it on others;
• the one who knows when to take a breather and step aside.

Another confession- I never had these qualities. I was most certainly not a good listener. My former partners usually tip-toed with their feelings around me. They used to feel that they were walking on eggshells around me when they needed to share things with me.

In a nutshell, I did not make it easy for them to be open and honest.

On the other hand, my husband- well, he embodies the entire persona of a secure partner. And with him and the lessons from my failed relationships, I was able to cultivate some of these qualities in me. I have not completely excelled at it; I am still a work in progress.

So, if you find yourself harbouring these qualities, then you are, without a doubt, ready to enter a serious, committed relationship.

Some more pointers to look for are:

• You know what you are looking for in a partner and a relationship
• You can express yourself with clarity and respect
• You understand that relationships have ups and downs, and you are committed to working through those challenges.
• You are financially stable- this is a highly important sign. Because financial stability lifts the stress of building a steady life, and you can focus on personal and emotional growth.
• You are capable of showing empathy and kindness. You know it is not about right or wrong; it’s about supporting each other through personal challenges with empathy.
• You practise gratitude. For good things, happiness, and all that you have learnt- you are thankful.
• You have a growth mindset. Irrespective of the numbers, you believe in growth.
• You have learned from your past relationships and understood what has worked and what has not. You show up in a way that aligns best with your inner self.
• You don’t expect perfection; you strive for betterment.

Hope these signs help!